Hello there! Thanks for agreeing to do this self-interview.
My pleasure.
First things first, please tell us when you became a father?
I became a father on the 28th of March at 12:34pm. Say hello to Umar Bin Nur Muhammad!
What was the due date provided by the gynaecologist? Was he late or early?
Actually, he was 2 weeks early. The due date was 9th of April, at 40 weeks. He decided to be born at 38 weeks instead. However, 38 weeks is already considered full-term so it was fine.
Walk us through the whole episode.
My wife woke me up at 6.30am on that Sunday (28th March). I had thought it was just routine for our Subuh prayers. However, the first words she told me was “I’m bleeding.” She was also experiencing a bit of pain regularly but she couldn’t tell if it was actual or false contractions.
Wow. That must be like a bucket of ice.
Oh yeah! I immediately sat up and after a quick deliberation, we decided to head for the hospital (KKH). As fate would dictate, my parents’ were holidaying in Jakarta and would only be back the next day. I made the decision not to inform them first, as I do not want them, especially my mother, to panic over there. We informed my mother-in-law about my wife’s predicament, and she immediately called my wife’s sister to drive us to the hospital.
Once there, we went to the 24 hour Women’s Clinic but was told to go to the Delivery Suite instead. My wife went in for a check up while I had to wait outside. The rest were not permitted to be in the Delivery Suite so they were sheparded to the common waiting room instead. I was told the check-up would take about an hour.
But barely a half-hour later, the doctor came and told me that my wife had dilated 4cm, and will be delivering today. Cue suspense-movie music. I informed the rest waiting outside, sent out a flurry of SMSes, including my parents in Jakarta (I later learnt that my mother demanded my father to get a flight back at that instant at any cost!), and proceeded to Delivery Room 6, which was assigned to us. I had no idea what to expect.
Do continue.
I found my wife already in the room and was changing into the standard patient’s attire. She told me that those pains earlier were actual contractions and she’d been having them every 5 minutes now. And apparently, at this time, my stomach decided “Enough is enough!” and gave me some trouble too. Better now than later, I thought.
Bowel movements happen at the most inappropriate time eh?
Apparently so! Not only bowel movements, I recall peeing an additional 5 times all the time I was in the delivery room!
Ok ok! Enough about bowels and pee for now!
Haha! Sorry about that. Anyway, my wife’s contractions are coming in regularly at 5 minute intervals and steadily increasing in pain. The mid-wife came in some time after and burst her water bag for her. The mid-wife asked if we wanted an epidural. My wife said yes but not at the moment. However, the mid-wife explained that she could just alert the anaesthetist as administering an epidural is too dangerous if the pain is too great because my wife had to be perfectly still while it was being injected into her spinal region. She said OK. By that time, my wife described her pain as a 8-9 on the pain chart. At this while I was dumbfounded. It’s one thing to be in pain, it’s another to watch someone in pain and be absolutely helpless to do anything about it. I simply held her hand.
I didn’t watch the epidural part. The anaesthetist did her work, which is pretty amazing actually, while the mid-wife held her down. I recalled thinking I probably didn’t have the guts to mess with people’s spinal chords. There was a lot of blood though, and it’s not the normal blood red but a thick dark maroon. It was a bit freaky.
Once the epidural is administered, my wife reported that the pain has gone and now reported just a 1-2 on the pain chart. The mid-wife told us to relax and wait for my wife to fully dilate. My wife was additionally given some oxygen and was subsequently getting sleepy. I continued to hold her hand while curling up on the armchair beside the bed.
I caught a few winks before I awoke to a flurry of activity. There were nurses coming back and forth, and the mid-wife said something about contacting the MO, which I assumed to be the Medical Officer on duty. I asked what was going on and she replied that the baby’s heart rate dropped a few times. I reckoned it must be about 160 bpm, but sometimes dropped to 100-120. However, the mid-wife told us it wasn’t very serious for now. Just relax and let them do their thing. Seemed sound advice, but my heart was already in my throat and my emotions were engulfing me. Like any bystander, I was pissing in my pants.
By this time, I had already lost track of time. The MO came in some time later, still in her casuals and managed to stimulate the baby, apparently by rubbing his head. I heard a “Ok that’s good” and saw some smiles. It did wonders.
That’s when the mid-wife instructed my wife to start pushing. She said that my wife is already fully dilated at this point, which was good. My wife had to push while on her back and sideways. One vivid memory I had at this moment was the mid-wife showing me that the baby wants to come out already. “See there,” she said while pulling back the vaginal passage. And I saw the top of my baby’s head.
In web-speak, that was my first “OMGWTFBBQ!!!111” moment. I can actually see the top of my baby’s head while he is still inside her womb.
After a few more pushes, our gynaecologist just arrived at this point with a few nurses. She said not to delay any longer and wants my wife to deliver now. She said it so firmly and with such dedication that at the moment, I realize why my wife’s sister recommended her. I was also instructed to hold my wife’s head. She chided my wife for not pushing correctly and subsequently, two nurses surround her. While the next instruction to push came, the nurses pressed down somewhere slightly above and central where the kidneys would be. A few more pushes and I could see the top of our baby’s head pushing through.
The second “OMGWTFBBQ!!!111” moment.
Whoa!
Oh yeah. The sight of a human child passing out from someone else’s vagina is the most beautiful gross thing you can ever see and never delete from memory. I wanted to look away but was too engrossed in the moment.
Once the head was out, the gynae simply pulled and the rest of the baby just simply slid out. At this point I turned to look at my wife, whose face was showing ultimate relief. I wiped some sweat from her forehead, which made me miss the making-newborns-cry part. Some say the doctor or mid-wife will pat the butt. Other say they scoop out the mess in their mouth to make way for air to pass through. But all I heard was the sudden cries of a baby. The gynae immediately placed him on my wife’s arms.
Words cannot describe the feeling. Of relief. Of gratefulness. Of the miracle that is life. At that moment, it all hit me.
Any tears?
Emotions were definitely rising. I spared myself a moment while my wife is being stitched by the gynaecologist and the baby is being cleaned and bundled. I approached the malay nurse there and asked if it is OK to perform the Islamic rites on my newborn. She said sure and handed my baby to me.
Again, the emotions started to well up the first time I held him.
Any you performed the Athan and Iqamah there?
Yeah, my wife is conscious but seemed pretty tired. The doctor and nurses were busy. I stood aside and performed them. After which, I placed him back on the device with the warmer for him to keep warm. He was already opening his eyes and exploring the world then.
Cool!
Yeah! This is definitely the biggest moment in my life. Sorry, but my Nikah, or solemnization ceremony, had to come second. There’s just no substitute to experiencing this first hand.
How are mother and son now?
My wife felt a lot of discomfort but we engaged the services of a masseuse to come by, as recommended by her mother. She is recovering well now, back to her old facebook-surfing self.
The baby is initially not sleeping well, especially at nigh for the first 2 days. He is now adjusting well to life outside the womb. Eating and sleeping. Pretty much like how I was before I got married.
Any plans for a brother or sister? Haha..
Oh my, you have to ask the wife for that. All I did was provide the Y-chromosome! We didn’t plan the first one, adopted a if-it-happens-it-happens attitude. But if we do decide to have another, I think we do need to plan.
Advice for budding parents?
I’m still new at this so I really can’t say. If you ask me, it is worth it just to see him each day. But I guess one must be prepared, because having a child changes everything about you and your spouse. For us, I really feel Umar has definitely brought us closer together.
Congratulations once again. And lastly, can you tell your reader(s) why you are so egotistical as to conduct an interview with yourself?
What can I say, I’m the Mart!
Disclaimer: I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder. I do realise the seriousness of the mental disorder. This post is a tongue-in-cheek way to address some of the popular questions I’ve been asked so far. It is not my intention to be offensive to anyone and I apologize if I have done so in any way.
Tags: family, fatherhood, Umar
