I have always maintained my belief that the most evil companies are telcos. Exorbitant rates for roaming, data and especially SMS have fueled this belief. Oh, don’t get me started on data roaming. You wanna throw away money fast? You don’t gamble, you go to a foreign land and start using 3G data roaming. Your rate of expenditure will be faster that way.

Getting the television rights to the World Cup 2010 for Singapore was a huge drama itself, with the media outlets speculating that Singaporeans might miss out on football’s greatest tournament. It is only on 29th April 2010, about a month and a half before the massive event starts, that channelnewsasia reported on its online portal that the rights have been secured.

Of course, the details of the deal will never be published. In propaganda-crazy Singapore, it usually means bad news.

Like any “good” journalist, a few figures were magically plucked out of the air and thrown into the article. It’s hard to believe when words like “according to sources” and “it is believed” are used. According to sources, it is believed that such words are only reserved for highly opinionated, misinformed and biased blogs.

But hey! Look at the bright side, we get to watch the World Cup! All of the matches! For only S$70.62 if you sign up before May 31st, and S$94.16 thereafter. If you have an existing StarHub Cable TV subscription. More if you dont’t.

Wait, what? A bit of googling around (because of my poor memory), StarHub only charged us $10 (for early birds) back in 2006.

I’m sure for most Singaporeans, $70 is pocket change. It’s probably the cost of one weekend, maybe lesser. Surely we can sacrifice ONE weekend of shopping to get all 64 matches. But what message will that tell StarHub? That they can happily charge exorbitant rates? That they can dilly-dally with securing the rights to a very popular event? That they can pass down their mistakes to consumers?

I’m a sucker. A huge one. But even suckers have their limits. As much as I would like to, I can’t justify the cost. Call me a non-hardcore football fan if you want.

At least the semi’s and final will be shown live over-the-air! For the rest, there’s always kopitiams, McDonald’s and the internet.

However, when you post articles like this, it just reeks too much of ignorance.

Let me go through the steps Steven Sande has done and try to provide him with some advice.

1) Screw antenna into base of webcam at 6:55PM. This is going to be fun!
2) Plug in power supply. Camera moves for a bit, then settles down.

Off to a good start! Sounds cool!

3) Fire up Windows, then realize that I can’t use the camera software install CD since it’s one of those mini ones that were so popular in 1998. They don’t work in slot-type SuperDrives. Need to download the software from vendor’s website.

This irks me some too, but can be easily remedied by a simple external USB DVD drive. Cheap and useful to have around. I’m sure he knows someone who has one that he can borrow for a day. I don’t have one myself, but my SATA/IDE-to-USB converter cable with power cord saved me a million times already.

4) Start up IE7 in Windows.

Uh oh. He has lost geek cred by an infinite amount.

5) Can’t get to downloads page from IE7 so download and install Firefox.

Phew…

6) Go to vendor site, get to the downloads page. Can’t download the software until I download and install the Flash plug-in.
7) Install Flash Player.

Yeah, I hate it too when this happens. But that’s what you get when one buys a product from a company with dubious reputation, for its cheapness rather than quality.

Download the software, finally. It’s an .rar archive.
9) Windows has no idea what an rar file is. I have it “use the Web service to find the correct program.” I find out that WinZip or StuffIt Expander will work.

First off, a simple Google search for “rar” will net him the software he needs. Even more awesome, it’s the first on the search page. In fact, 5 out of the first 6 results are links to WinRaR! I have no idea how he came up with WinZip or the wierdly named “StuffIt Expander”. Using WinZip is like using IE7. Geek cred now stands at negative double infinity.

10) Realize that WinZip is a program that, with all the add-INS, will cost me almost US$37. Didn’t it used to be free?
11) Go to StuffIt site and download free StuffIt Expander. Wait while McAfee scans for viruses.
12) Install StuffIt Expander. “This may take several minutes” it says.
13) Installation continues for an incredibly long time, most of which is marked by a status message that doesn’t change. Considering taking up smoking. Read War and Peace cover to cover while waiting for installation to complete, then build a 1:1 scale model of La Sagreda Familia out of toothpicks. About to perform a self-appendectomy when the installation finally finishes. Put away the X-acto knife and vodka.
14) Trying to reinstall StuffIt when Windows tells me in needs to activate. That’s perplexing since I installed and activated this legal copy of Windows Vista Ultimate weeks ago. Decide to at least try reinstalling StuffIt before going through activation again.
15) StuffIt Expander installer won’t run since it says that there’s already another installation in progress. System monitor shows no other application is running.
16) Restart Windows. Or at least try to. It takes forever to shut down. Finally Force Quit VMWare and hope for the best.
17) Re-launch VMWare, which unfortunately comes up in Windows shutdown mode. Finally find the Shut Down command in VMWare, then restart Windows Vista. It’s now 7:55 PM. Windows Vista plays its 4-tone startup tune, which I salute with two raised middle fingers.
18) Start up the StuffIt Expander installer again. Get an error message. Re-download the installer and try again, this time sacrificing a chicken while starting the installer. The installer takes its good time, but finally shows a completed installation. I feel sorry for the chicken, but happy that StuffIt Expander is installed.
19) What was I doing before all of this? Oh, yeah – I was trying to unzip the webcam installer. This goes well until the unzip crashes. I see the installer on my desktop, so I double-click to install. This installer runs quickly, but I need to reboot the Windows virtual machine.
20) Weeping uncontrollably, I wait as the virtual machine lies to me about shutting down. It’s now 8:09 PM. I wait, and wait. Did I mention the waiting?
21) I’m so bloody tired of waiting for the shutdown that I invoke the Shutdown menu item again. Windows reboots again.

All avoidable if he just used WinRaR. If one has knowledge of good software to use, all this is moot. He just seems to be making his own hell. Notice that he can skip TWELVE steps, and not to mention a whole lot of heartache, if he just bothered to Google “rar”. Sigh.

22) Double-click the webcam software. After I nearly have a heart attack when it temporarily can’t find the .exe file, it launches. This program is supposed to find a camera on the network and allow me to change settings. It’s doing nothing, so I decide to start pinging addresses on my network from Safari. I find my printer’s built-in web server, but not the webcam.
23) While I’m playing on the Mac, Windows mysteriously reboots itself. WTF?
24) I figure out that Windows thinks it is on another subnet. I look at some of the glowing reviews on Amazon and see the key phrase “connect to the camera over Ethernet the first time.” Nice of the vendor to put that in the docs. I’m tired. It’s now 8:58 PM. I decide to try this tomorrow on my old iMac since I have work to do. I’ll set up a small Ethernet network using a router I have, and hope that I can get this to work.

*Time passes*

25) It’s now the next afternoon. I set up the old Linksys router, grab a few Ethernet cables, and fire up the camera app on the old iMac under VMWare and Win XP. Not surprisingly, Win XP works much better than Vista and within about 5 minutes I’m seeing the camera “anonymous” in the camera app.

Wait a sec. If the camera is controlled over the network, why would he need to install software for it? It’s just installing software for my router or NAS. Useful, but usually not needed. Just fire up the browser and point to it’s IP. One can just look it up on the router.

Hmm. But the software probably is needed for configuration purposes. My NAS comes with software too, to enable it’s built-in bittorrent client, and to automate certain tasks, but I could have easily done those had the software not do it. The great thing is that the software for my NAS does not require installation, and is a one-file executable. Simple and intuitive. It’s generally what you get when you spend a bit more and buy a product from a reputable company.

27) Reading the tiny print in the poorly-translated user manual for the webcam, I see that the vendor recommends using IE to bring up the built-in administrative web page and set up Wi-Fi. I double-click the name of the camera, and I’m immediately rewarded with a login screen for the admin web page. I log in using the default user ID and password, and then watch as IE7 proceeds to block the various controls that are trying to load.

Buy from funky Chinese company, get funkily translated manual. When IE blocks something, it can be “allowed”. Even if Google blocks a website because of suspected malware on the site, you can still access it if you want. It’s not permanent. Such controls are blocked for a reason. If one is resourceful with using search engines, it’s not difficult to find out why they’re blocked.

PS: where did step 26 go to anyway? Never use “ol” tags? Even more geek cred lost. Sigh.

28) At this point I’m discouraged and shouting four and more-letter expletives at IE7. I decide that it’s time to grab my spouse and go out to eat (and drink) away my frustration. A few beers later we’re back home and I download Firefox onto the virtual Win machine.
29) I launch Firefox, go to the IP address of the camera, and become very happy when the camera controller loads properly and responds to my commands.
30) With the webcam finally up and running, I tell Windows XP to quit. Soon I’m greeted with a happy message that says something like “Windows is installing update 1 of 37. Do not shut down this machine.” I wander off.
31) Two hours later, the message says “Windows is installing update 31 of 37.” I may never get to shut down Windows.
32) Another hour passes. The message hasn’t changed. I decide that Windows XP has locked up, and I invoke the magic VMWare virtual power switch. Who knows if the flippin’ thing was updated or not?

Why does he need to run a browser on the virtualized OS to see it? If it’s browser-based, why not just try it from a browser on the native OS?

Windows informs you beforehand that it will install updates before shutting down if you have them. From this, it seems evident that he doesn’t really read what’s on the screen, preferring to quickly click Next or OK buttons to continue on. It’s the very reason why Windows users get infected with unwanted software that hogs resources, toolbars covering valuable browser space, malware and viruses. Lucky for him, he’s an OSX user, which has better installation procedures than Windows. I use both, but my Windows machine, which I have yet to install an antivirus software for months now, is still clean, running fine and stable. Generally, I consider such problems PEBKAC.

By the way, there are various settings of Windows Update that one can set it too. From fully automated (default) to extremely manual, or something in between (my preferred one).

But the point of this entire exercise was that if Apple had ever stooped to selling Wi-Fi webcams, the installation process would probably be like this:

1) Plug your Apple iCam into a wall socket.
2) Launch the iCam utility software on your Mac or Windows PC. It’s included on the CD that came with your device.
3) Your iCam appears in the “cameras on this network” list. Highlight the camera you wish to update.
4) Give the camera a name, and click save. Note the web address that is now listed on the page — this address is where you can point any web browser in the world to view your camera and listen to what’s going on in streaming stereo audio.

I would expect it too, because Apple is a reputable company that makes good products! Comparing Apple’s imaginary camera product to an unnamed Chinese brand, it’s really a no-brainer to choose Apple’s, if it has the product in the first place. This whole time, I had thought he was frustrated with using Windows. But that’s because heinadvertently bought a cheap webcam, but expect stellar product quality. Don’t companies that specialize in webcam or networking products, like Logitech, Creative, D-Link, Netgear or Linksys make a network-controlled cameras as well? I’m sure there is, and the installation process would be as painless as Apple’s imaginary Wi-Fi webcam product.

I’m sure I’ll have some comments along the lines of “Well, if you had some familiarity with Windows, you’d realize that…” I am familiar with Windows. Way too familiar, as at one point in my career I was a project manager on a 12,000-seat Windows deployment for a large enterprise. Since that time, I’ve had my share of Windows experiences with my Mac consulting clients who have one Windows device on their network that ends up taking more support hours to keep up and running than the dozen or so Macs in the office.

“Much to learn, you still have.”

And I’m certain that someone will say “A real PC wouldn’t have done that; you’re running a virtual machine on a slow Mac.” Wrong, this type of thing has happened to me many times on real PCs as well. This isn’t a slow Mac; it’s a quad-core i7 iMac running 64-bit Windows Vista Ultimate.

Generally, it’s not the CPU, it’s the RAM one gives to the virtual machine. And no matter how fast the CPU is, it’s still limited by how good your hypervisor is at translating the instructions from the virtual machine to the host machine. One thing that’s always irksome about using virtual machines is networking. And since he’s trying to configure a network-based hardware, either he needs to properly configure the network settings of the virtual machine (NAT is too troublesome for my liking) or simply reboot to a bootcamp’ed Windows.

But the big lesson here isn’t about using Windows or OSX, it’s that you get what you pay for. If one wants a quality product, it’s a good idea to buy from companies that have good reputations of releasing such quality products.

“Don’t stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up…”

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

• Feeds required: every 2-3 hours.
• Milk consumed: 1-3 oz. every feed.
• Breast-fed: Yes
• Formula-fed: Yes (as a complement)
• Formula used: Similac (infant), S26.
• Cost of formula: S$38++ for 900g, S$18++ for 400g

Output

• Poop: uncountable
• Live-pooping viewed: 2
• Pee: uncountable
• Pee’d upon: 3
• Diapers: Change every 3-4 hours.
• Diaper used: Mamypoko Newborn
• Diaper cost: S$17++ for 52

Likes

• Feeding.
• Given a tour of the house.
• Sucking.
• Sleeping with the arms and tongue out.

Dislikes

• Being wrapped like a burrito.
• Hunger.
• Dirty diaper.
• Lying down alone.

Lessons learnt

• Identifying the different types of cries: hungry, uncomfortable, HOLD-ME-HOLD-ME-HOLD-ME!!
• Feeding with one hand, bejeweling & surfing in the other.
• No water, just milk.
• Burping: it’s an acquired skill.
• Changing diapers.
• Changing diapers quickly.
• Watch a video on the laptop while holding him, and he will just sleep through the noise.
• Make the tiniest bit of noise while he’s on the bed, and he will stir.
• I need money. Lots and lots of it.

Yet to learn

• Bathing. I tend to snooze after the subuh prayers.

A few people I talked to (read: non-geeks) don’t know that google comes from googol, which is 10 to the power of 100, or 1 followed by 100 zeroes. And the name of its headquarters, the Googleplex, is yet another number, the googolplex, which is 10 to the power of 1 googol, or 1 followed by a googol zeroes. This number is so large that it cannot be written in the observable universe, nor can the time be taken to do so.

I was always amazed at what Google gave away for free. And since everything is online, it doesn’t matter which machine you use. All your stuff will always be there, as and when you want it. I use Google Search a million times a day, Google Reader as my one stop page for the web, Google Mail as my primary email, Google Maps as a convenient mapping solution and have all my domains tied to Google Apps. At the beginning of this year, I’ve added Google Ads on this webpage. I’m very tempted to use Google’s DNS service.

Using those services, Google knows what I search for on the web. It has the feeds of all the websites I regularly read. It knows the kind of email I send and receive. It knows where I like to go and what landmarks I like to visit. It knows the type of content I have on this blog. If I use its DNS service, it knows which site I usually visit.

Google uses all this information to build a very good profile about me. It knows exactly what ads to show me. Which gives it extremely good leverage to negotiate for advertisements. Which accounts for almost all of its revenue. Rinse and repeat.

Yup, “free” isn’t really free. There is always a price. Goodbye privacy. It’s been nice knowing you.

Ahh XCOM. How do I love thee? Let me count thy ways..

In many gamers’ eyes, XCOM is the pinnacle of gaming excellence. No of developers: 6. No of Floppy discs: 3. Awesomeness: priceless. There is simply no other game like it. Some would argue that Jagged Alliance had better strategic combat, but XCOM is more than just a turn-based strategy game. It’s an economic management game. It’s a horror game. It’s an RPG. It basically takes all the genres and seamlessly combine them into one unique package that no other game can match.

There have been attempts to clone the original. XCOM:UFO Defense (or Enemy Unknown, or…whatever it’s called in your country) is the original. It’s sequel XCOM: Terror From The Deep remains exactly the same, and simply jacks up the difficulty to insane levels. I’m already having trouble with the first one, I didn’t survive the second. The third, XCOM Apocalypse, tries to take the game to the defense of one city with corporations instead of countries and introduces real-time combat. Interesting, but it still can’t match up to the first. In my eyes, XCOM stops here. Interceptor, Enforcer, Aftermath and Extraterrestrials are to XCOM what the Matrix sequels are to the original, and what the Star Wars prequel trilogy are to the original trilogy.

And now, we have a re-imagining of the XCOM universe…as a First-Person Shooter.

Sure, a lot of XCOM fans has passed judgement on this game. “It will suck” is the general consensus I get. XCOM is our beloved franchise, and none of us can see it get raped and exploited like this. It will be become just one among the myriad of FPS’es that involves aliens. Except that now, the XCOM label is tacked on to it.

I don’t mind a re-imagining really. It’s a fresh new take, on a different genre. I don’t think that sequel to the first XCOM can ever be made. It is already the peak of greatness. It itself is an evolution of games that come before it, Laser Squad and Rebelstar (haven’t played thos yet). Those are 2 popular turn-based strategy games from a generation behind mine. As long as they don’t call it a sequel, or name it “XCOM 2″, it’s fine. A fresh perspective is always nice. Fallout 3 is nice, albeit more boring and easier than the originals.

There’s not much lore in XCOM, it’s not really remembered for it’s storyline. Earth is attacked by aliens from Mars. Build a under-funded resistance. Fight aliens. That’s about all the lore you get with XCOM. I have no idea why they add FBI into the mix, since XCOM, or Extraterrestrial Combat Unit, is an organization that was specifically formed to deal with these aliens in the first place. I’m not sure why the press release states that it’s an FBI agent who’s dealing with the alien threat, since it should be an XCOM agent. Hmm, mistake, or messing about unnecessarily? First sign that things might not be so rosy.

Anyway, before the FPS hits, I highly recommend you play this game to immerse yourself with the original before getting corrupted by its “reimagining”. It may be graphically dated, but the gameplay is timeless. I played a pirated copy a long time back, but bought it last year through Gamersgate. I highly recommend the Gamersgate, since it’s client-less and once downloaded, you may store and backup the downloaded installer. After installation, it uses Dosbox to wrap the game, effectively making it portable. I simply copied it to my Mac and used Boxer. Works like a charm! It’s also available on Steam if you’re into the whole tying-your-games-to-an-account-and-online-activation-every-play thing. Both Steam and Gamersgate feature a “Complete Pack” as well, which includes Terror From The Deep, Apocalypse and the other XCOM-games-which-must-not-be-named.

From the moment you start, there is no quit button. There is no way you can stop and continue later. Progress is always saved every second, every microsecond, every picosecond, every quantum interval of time, but there is no reload method. There is only 1 life, no continues. There are no cheat codes. Experience is gained everyday and you will never stop levelling.

It is a mix of RPG, action, adventure, simulation, sports and puzzle, topped off by being an MMORPG. There is no subscription to pay, but tons of micro-transactions. The gameplay mechanics are always changing over time in a persistent world. The quests will run you ragged. The puzzle elements will strain your mental well-being. The AI is always evolving, and is always learning based on your actions, or inaction. Your ability to remain ahead will slowly but surely diminish over time, and if one does not keep up with current knowledge, it will surpass you.

The risks of playing this game is so large that no sane person will recommend playing it unprepared. Make no mistake, this game is brutal and it will punish you. The game will take over your entire life, forcing you to make changes where you swore you’ll never do. It will take all your strength, your will and your mental fortitude to play. The game will not only cost you in dollars and cents, but with time as well. Your sleep will get affected, your work will get affected, as will your sanity. Your patience will get tested to extremes you never thought possible.

However, if one were to play it properly, the rewards are too great to behold and the benefits are tremendous. The rest of your life (and in my religion, the afterlife as well) will be secure. Just ask someone who has played this game properly before if it is worth it.

Raising Umar is my ultimate game.

My pleasure.

First things first, please tell us when you became a father?
I became a father on the 28th of March at 12:34pm. Say hello to Umar Bin Nur Muhammad!

What was the due date provided by the gynaecologist? Was he late or early?

Actually, he was 2 weeks early. The due date was 9th of April, at 40 weeks. He decided to be born at 38 weeks instead. However, 38 weeks is already considered full-term so it was fine.

Walk us through the whole episode.

My wife woke me up at 6.30am on that Sunday (28th March). I had thought it was just routine for our Subuh prayers. However, the first words she told me was “I’m bleeding.” She was also experiencing a bit of pain regularly but she couldn’t tell if it was actual or false contractions.

Wow. That must be like a bucket of ice.

Oh yeah! I immediately sat up and after a quick deliberation, we decided to head for the hospital (KKH). As fate would dictate, my parents’ were holidaying in Jakarta and would only be back the next day. I made the decision not to inform them first, as I do not want them, especially my mother, to panic over there. We informed my mother-in-law about my wife’s predicament, and she immediately called my wife’s sister to drive us to the hospital.

Once there, we went to the 24 hour Women’s Clinic but was told to go to the Delivery Suite instead. My wife went in for a check up while I had to wait outside. The rest were not permitted to be in the Delivery Suite so they were sheparded to the common waiting room instead. I was told the check-up would take about an hour.

But barely a half-hour later, the doctor came and told me that my wife had dilated 4cm, and will be delivering today. Cue suspense-movie music. I informed the rest waiting outside, sent out a flurry of SMSes, including my parents in Jakarta (I later learnt that my mother demanded my father to get a flight back at that instant at any cost!), and proceeded to Delivery Room 6, which was assigned to us. I had no idea what to expect.

Do continue.

I found my wife already in the room and was changing into the standard patient’s attire. She told me that those pains earlier were actual contractions and she’d been having them every 5 minutes now. And apparently, at this time, my stomach decided “Enough is enough!” and gave me some trouble too. Better now than later, I thought.

Bowel movements happen at the most inappropriate time eh?

Apparently so! Not only bowel movements, I recall peeing an additional 5 times all the time I was in the delivery room!

Ok ok! Enough about bowels and pee for now!

Haha! Sorry about that. Anyway, my wife’s contractions are coming in regularly at 5 minute intervals and steadily increasing in pain. The mid-wife came in some time after and burst her water bag for her. The mid-wife asked if we wanted an epidural. My wife said yes but not at the moment. However, the mid-wife explained that she could just alert the anaesthetist as administering an epidural is too dangerous if the pain is too great because my wife had to be perfectly still while it was being injected into her spinal region. She said OK. By that time, my wife described her pain as a 8-9 on the pain chart. At this while I was dumbfounded. It’s one thing to be in pain, it’s another to watch someone in pain and be absolutely helpless to do anything about it. I simply held her hand.

I didn’t watch the epidural part. The anaesthetist did her work, which is pretty amazing actually, while the mid-wife held her down. I recalled thinking I probably didn’t have the guts to mess with people’s spinal chords. There was a lot of blood though, and it’s not the normal blood red but a thick dark maroon. It was a bit freaky.

Once the epidural is administered, my wife reported that the pain has gone and now reported just a 1-2 on the pain chart. The mid-wife told us to relax and wait for my wife to fully dilate. My wife was additionally given some oxygen and was subsequently getting sleepy. I continued to hold her hand while curling up on the armchair beside the bed.

I caught a few winks before I awoke to a flurry of activity. There were nurses coming back and forth, and the mid-wife said something about contacting the MO, which I assumed to be the Medical Officer on duty. I asked what was going on and she replied that the baby’s heart rate dropped a few times. I reckoned it must be about 160 bpm, but sometimes dropped to 100-120. However, the mid-wife told us it wasn’t very serious for now. Just relax and let them do their thing. Seemed sound advice, but my heart was already in my throat and my emotions were engulfing me. Like any bystander, I was pissing in my pants.

By this time, I had already lost track of time. The MO came in some time later, still in her casuals and managed to stimulate the baby, apparently by rubbing his head. I heard a “Ok that’s good” and saw some smiles. It did wonders.

That’s when the mid-wife instructed my wife to start pushing. She said that my wife is already fully dilated at this point, which was good. My wife had to push while on her back and sideways. One vivid memory I had at this moment was the mid-wife showing me that the baby wants to come out already. “See there,” she said while pulling back the vaginal passage. And I saw the top of my baby’s head.

In web-speak, that was my first “OMGWTFBBQ!!!111” moment. I can actually see the top of my baby’s head while he is still inside her womb.

After a few more pushes, our gynaecologist just arrived at this point with a few nurses. She said not to delay any longer and wants my wife to deliver now. She said it so firmly and with such dedication that at the moment, I realize why my wife’s sister recommended her. I was also instructed to hold my wife’s head. She chided my wife for not pushing correctly and subsequently, two nurses surround her. While the next instruction to push came, the nurses pressed down somewhere slightly above and central where the kidneys would be. A few more pushes and I could see the top of our baby’s head pushing through.

The second “OMGWTFBBQ!!!111” moment.

Whoa!

Oh yeah. The sight of a human child passing out from someone else’s vagina is the most beautiful gross thing you can ever see and never delete from memory. I wanted to look away but was too engrossed in the moment.

Once the head was out, the gynae simply pulled and the rest of the baby just simply slid out. At this point I turned to look at my wife, whose face was showing ultimate relief. I wiped some sweat from her forehead, which made me miss the making-newborns-cry part. Some say the doctor or mid-wife will pat the butt. Other say they scoop out the mess in their mouth to make way for air to pass through. But all I heard was the sudden cries of a baby. The gynae immediately placed him on my wife’s arms.

Words cannot describe the feeling. Of relief. Of gratefulness. Of the miracle that is life. At that moment, it all hit me.

Any tears?

Emotions were definitely rising. I spared myself a moment while my wife is being stitched by the gynaecologist and the baby is being cleaned and bundled. I approached the malay nurse there and asked if it is OK to perform the Islamic rites on my newborn. She said sure and handed my baby to me.

Again, the emotions started to well up the first time I held him.

Any you performed the Athan and Iqamah there?

Yeah, my wife is conscious but seemed pretty tired. The doctor and nurses were busy. I stood aside and performed them. After which, I placed him back on the device with the warmer for him to keep warm. He was already opening his eyes and exploring the world then.

Cool!

Yeah! This is definitely the biggest moment in my life. Sorry, but my Nikah, or solemnization ceremony, had to come second. There’s just no substitute to experiencing this first hand.

How are mother and son now?

My wife felt a lot of discomfort but we engaged the services of a masseuse to come by, as recommended by her mother. She is recovering well now, back to her old facebook-surfing self.

The baby is initially not sleeping well, especially at nigh for the first 2 days. He is now adjusting well to life outside the womb. Eating and sleeping. Pretty much like how I was before I got married.

Any plans for a brother or sister? Haha..

Oh my, you have to ask the wife for that. All I did was provide the Y-chromosome! We didn’t plan the first one, adopted a if-it-happens-it-happens attitude. But if we do decide to have another, I think we do need to plan.

Advice for budding parents?

I’m still new at this so I really can’t say. If you ask me, it is worth it just to see him each day. But I guess one must be prepared, because having a child changes everything about you and your spouse. For us, I really feel Umar has definitely brought us closer together.

Congratulations once again. And lastly, can you tell your reader(s) why you are so egotistical as to conduct an interview with yourself?

What can I say, I’m the Mart!

Disclaimer: I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder. I do realise the seriousness of the mental disorder. This post is a tongue-in-cheek way to address some of the popular questions I’ve been asked so far. It is not my intention to be offensive to anyone and I apologize if I have done so in any way.

f(n+1) = “I will love my wife on Date(n) + 1 additional day”

So do I still love my wife a day later from yesterday, meaning today? Yes I do! So, f(n+1) is proven.

f(n+1) = “I will love my wife on Date(n) + 1 additional day”
f(n+1) = “I will love my wife on Date(n+1)”

Thus, by mathematical induction, the function f(n) is proven true for all integer values of n more than or equals to 1.

f(n) = “I will love my wife on Date(n)” for all integer values of n more than or equals to 1 until the day I die. (Q.E.D.)

To prove that I will always love my wife, let us first define the function Date(n) which will take in an integer value 1 or more and return a date.

Day = Date(n), where Date(1) returns today, Date(2) returns tomorrow, etc.

Now let us define the statement “I will always love my wife”.

Let “I will be always love my wife” be the function, f(n), where:

f(n) = “I will love my wife on Date(n)” for all integer values of n more than or equals to 1 until the day I die.

Show that f(1) is true.

f(1) = “I will love my wife on Date(1)” = “I will love my wife today”

So do I love my wife today? Why yes, of course! Thus, f(1) is proven.

Since f(1) is proven, this is thus proven for an arbitrary value of n. Now, we have to prove for the arbitrary value n+1 for f(n+1).

If Date(1) is today, Date(2) is tomorrow, and so forth, it would mean that Date(n+1) = Date(n) + 1 additional day. Thus,

f(n+1) = “I will love my wife on Date(n+1)”
f(n+1) = “I will love my wife on Date(n) + 1 additional day”

This proof requires that I wait a day. So please look forward to its exciting conclusion 24 hours from now.